Looking from the outside

You know,

Sometimes i think back,

and i wonder why i ever quit ballet.

Cos sometimes, i just miss ballet so much. I loved it so much, it was pure fun to me despite the pain, and yeah it just makes me think that if i didn't, i probably would still be as flexible, and i would probably be in dance.

And some other random times, i regret not taking good care of myself. That huge cough in p4 that lasted for around half a year? Yeah that cough that made me sound like some old sickly woman. Without that cough, my stamina would probably be quite okay and not this horrible lousy shit now. And with that i would probably be in some sports cca???? Maybe.

But then again,

if i didn't quit ballet,

or if that cough virus wasn't spread to me,

 i probably won't be in guides now.

And that makes all regret go away :)

If i wasn't in guides, idk what i would be.

Its like the only thing i'm good in. Guiding.

And my guiding life is ending soon. In around 2 weeks.

 IT FREAKING SCARES ME

I cannot imagine life without guides.

I cannot imagine having nothing on on Fridays, I cannot imagine seeing the squad every Friday, just without the 11 of us...........................................

It has became such an impt part of my life, WHAT WOULD I BE WITHOUT IT????????????????????

I DON'T WANT TO PASS OUT T_T

(Why i so emotional............................................................)

+++++++++++++++++

Ok disclaimer:

Everyone might think i'm stupid retarded, wdv. How can someone be so attached to her cca and yeah its a cca!!!! To some, a cca might be stupid crappy a waste of time. But i rly can't explain how guides have changed my life. Even from brownies, it has been changing me bit by bit by bit, to being in cch guides, having all the punishments (when we weren't so guniang) to who i am now.

If you knew me in the past, you shld know how big of a change it made in me.

After the protected time talk today, it finally smacked me hard in the face.

I'll be gone from guides. Soon. Very soon.

I would not be known as being in Chung Cheng Main Guides anymore.

The most i can be is a YA.

And the fact that i can be a YA doesn't comfort me.

I can't be in Guides ever again.

And it scares me.

Alot.