2017

In a chop chop, don't think too much manner, lets do this.

1.  If you had to describe your 2017 in three words, what would they be?

Transition, letting go, finding peace

2. What, or who, are you most thankful for?

My bed and (might seem frivolous but) bangtan 

3. What new things did you discover about yourself?

Being more self-aware of my emotions and where do they stem from

4. What single achievement are you most proud of?

Putting myself out there and going to seoul in a very unfamiliar/ generally not societally approved situation. And i loved every minute of it

5. What was the best news you received?

Approval for summer school(?)/ news of mubank sg/ news of BBMAs lol

6. What was your favourite place you visited in 2017?

Seoul, damotori hahaha

7. Which of your personal qualities turned out to be the most helpful this year?

Independent to find my own fun, and independent to do what i can to stay away from demons

8. Who was your number one go-to person that you could always rely on?

..twitter? Straying away from directly confiding in people tbh

9. Which new skills did you learn?

Cooking! this was unexpected hahaha

10. What one event are you going to tell your grandchildren about?

All the crazily happy, worry-free days in Seoul :')

11. If someone wrote a book about your year, what genre would it be?

Self-reflection?

12. What was the most important lesson you learnt in 2017?

Knowing what makes you tick

13. Which mental block(s) did you overcome?

People come into my life for a season and without departures, we cannot enter into the next

14. What five people did you most enjoy spending time with?

MYSELF!!!! lol

...

방방, damotori peeps, HQ, level 4, funbunch

With an emphasis on 'enjoy', my most enjoyed time is ones with that require least active effort. and maybe least strings attached

15. What is your biggest break-through moment career-wise?

When i singlehandedly avoided all bullets on behalf of the team for a presentation when i was expecting to rely on them more instead LOL

16. How did your relationship to your family evolve?

Went to shit & alot of me sucking it up. But as long as i have my own peace its ok..? i guess..?

17. What book or movie affected your life in a profound way?

hmm no particular one but just from quotes all around me i guess

18. What is the best compliment that you received this year?

'Give yourself more credit'

19. What little things did you most enjoy during your daily life?

I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Good local food, long walks, the comfort of my bed & bedtime routine

20. What cool things did you create this year?

Memory worthy ig snaps, photos, fancams. No shame in finding some day to day life aesthetic.

21. What did you think about more than anything else?

My feelings, the future

22. What topics did you most enjoy learning about?

Astrology, self-awareness, korean (LOL)

23. What new habits did you cultivate?

Habits of independence? Cleaning my own room, going out alone for meals, running errands alone, basking in alone time and LOVING IT

24. What advice would you give your early-2017 if you could?

Don't take it to heart

25. Did any parts of your self or your life do a 180 this year?

Mental mind, fitness (bc both go hand in hand sadly)

26. What had the biggest positive impact on your life this year?

Summer school. Filled up my star pocket

27. What was your most frequent mental state?

Lethargy.

28. Was there anything you did for the very first time in your life?

Going for a flight alone, hanging out with strangers, cooking proper meals. And loved all of it

30. What major goal did you lay the foundations for?

For a big chapter of life to close in 2018

31. Which worries turned out to be completely unneccessary?

none wtf my worries are very real

32. What experience would you love to do all over again?

SEOUL IN FEB AND SUMMER IN SEOUL

33. What was the best gift you received?

Gift of instant friendships

34. How did your overall outlook on life evolve?

A lil more jaded a lil more reckless a lil more distant

35. What was the biggest problem you solved?

Having no wifi at home and hence hefty data bills wtf took 11 months to solve since i first sounded it out. wna cry

36. What was the funniest moment, one that still makes you burst out laughing

oh god i cannot think of one off hand maybe jungkook's sticky potatoes wtf life :((((

37. What purchase turned out to be the best decision ever?

eh... not getting the latest macbook lol

38. What one thing would you do differently and why?

Not go for senior retention. Not worth it?

or Not go for the taiwan trip.

39. What do you deserve a pat on the back for?

Having somewhat clearer thoughts on life. Finding a safe haven for myself.

2018.

1. What do you want the overarching theme for your 2018 to be?

LOVE YOURSELF LOLOLOOLLOLOL

Doing me for me, self-care & awareness

2. What do you want to see, discover, explore?

Not places but to discover more sides to myself. Hopefully to welcome new people in my life with grace, manage myself, my emotions, my life with grace

3. Who do you want to spend more time with in 2018?

hais the ones i have blood ties with lor. thinking one meal a week with each? just minimally. im definitely not going to push it

Also to find and allocate time for the extrovert in me. and to manage these quality time well

4. What skills do you want to learn, improve or master?

Making my own meals!!

5. Which personal quality do you want to develop or strengthen?

To be able to strongly block out demons again. To focus on the good. To have the drive to keep going. To not let myself be defeated

6. What do you want your everyday life to be like?

With purpose, with peace, with excitement (sounds contradictory but it is what it is)

7. Which habits do you want to change, cultivate or get rid off?

Get rid of overeating, excessive sugar

Cleaner meals

More determination, discipline, be less defeated mentally

Get back to an active lifestyle!!!!!!

8. What do you want to achieve career-wise?

Do the best that i can, with more grace

9. How do you want to remember the year 2018 when you look back on it 20 years from now?

Trying time of change and transition, but it was a time worthwhile

10. What is your number one goal for 2018?

SURVIVE THE CHANGE

TURN OUT WELL.

-

2017

my star pocket was enough

for once, my festive season was good

"

In you alone I have found the same swelling of enthusiasm, the same quick rising of the blood, the fullness… Before, I almost used to think there was something wrong. Everybody else seemed to have the brakes on… I never feel the brakes. I overflow. And when I feel your excitement about life flaring, next to mine, then it makes me dizzy.

—

Anais Nin

But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.’

I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it -- to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once.

from here x

festive season

actually abit nervous about this festive season because i just might break again

but at least its better

thats all the comfort i have

ever again

I wonder
if i will ever
feel so
strongly
and fearlessly

ever
again

thoughts

1. why would one try to hide/ be ashamed of his/ her past?
• experiences shape one as a person. if you don't accept yourself, who will?
• love yourself before you love others
2. instagram
• to me: toxic platform for comparison
• on the other hand, can't let go of this virtual connection to most friends/ acquaintances
• setting on the fence about clicking that delete button for so..... long......
3. west > east
• why
• do not impose upon others
4. girl code
• nothing i can do other than watch this unfold
• this feeling sucks as a friend

alot on my mind

:-)

goodbye y2s1, it has been a good run

(could have studied abit harder tho)

very blessed to live amongst this loving community

那些年

被你喜欢过 很难觉得别人有那么喜欢我

i can

really
want to believe
trust and believe
that
i can

'home' is fucking reminder of how damn broken i am. school is a reminder of how lonely i feel. campus living is a reminder of how i can't escape forever

but i want to

who is family? what is family?

home?

no one will ever understand how going home actually kills me

where is my home?

I don't need much

rly happy with how my life is rn

:-)

just need to buck the fuck up in my studies (lol)

lets make this a great year

working on my citizenship assignment and 

wow

thank you for the validation

when a door closes, another opens

freshmen year was tough in many, many ways

but as the title says, when a door closes, another opens

gained some

lost alot

but i won't have it,

any other way.

♡♡♡♡♡

(aiyo so mushy i cry)

socialise

“You don’t even have to participate in the conversation if you don’t want to. Get together with a group of friends who you love and who love you, and just exist with them. Listen in on conversations. The thoughts, laughs, topics, and shenanigans may help keep your mind off of things just for a little while, and for me, that little while is enough to pull me out of a dark night.” 

- 

been wanting to finish up the last days of seoul but i haven't got around to uploading my fancams yet.... by recess week! i promise myself x

-

I've so little fight left in me.

SEOUL TRAVELOGUE DAY 10 - 11 #졘여행

16 may 2015

rise and shine!! off to nami

quite surprised we could even get up cos swc was the day before and concert days are emotionally tiring days #truth

shameless selfies bc fresh make up iz the best (just brows LOL)

all 3 of us wanted to go to nami just so we could zipline from the jetty to nami, so even tho we had to pay 50sgd and wait 1hour for our turn, WE DID IT. HAHAHAHA

the view from above!!!!! thats water sports and bungee jumping right thr O M G

was watching them bungee jump and even tho i always wanted to do it watching all the variety shows (this is the exact one apink did on showtime!!) its rly quite scary cos its just one bungee line holding you?? one!!!!!!

nonetheless i'll be back HEHE

the view @ the top was gr8888

this might be me being sensitive but:

when we were at the top the guy was explaining to us the safety guidleines and it was pretty simple la, sit down, strap yourself in, whr to put your bag and stretch your leg out when u go that kind of thing. but cos we were in a batch whr all were koreans other than us 3 non-locals, he kind of stopped and looked specifically at me (cole and shaby are way more well versed in korean than me) and asked me if i uds/ can i speak korean?? and i just shaked my head and said no la cos its for safety + i was honestly kind of half stoning while he was explaining

so he tried to explain to me by acting it out completely and the entire group of locals LAUGHED. probably @ him and his actions bc he probably exaggerated them but as i was legitly trying to understand him, i didnt feel that his actions were exaggerated?? so i kind of felt that it was very rude cos it felt like a 'lol u cant uds korean' kind of way. i think i was feeling quite sensitive but it did feel like it and as a tourist attraction i feel like they should have personnel that can speak basic english?? no??? and yeah it is the truth uh, as what everyone else has been saying they're not as welcoming to tourists anymore like it has become such a common sight to them they're just more pfft but aiyo its a tourist attraction so deal with it LOL

nonetheless, the view and ride to nami was amazeeeeee i wna do it again!!!!!!!!!

when we reached thr we were quite lost cos as mentioned we rly went to nami just to zipline LOL so we were like eh lets just take the usual iconic picture HAHAH

aiyo so yellow

nami rly is very beautiful

HAHAH this is how i ootd

HAHAHAH

aiyo cannot la HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

+outfit planning fail LOL i loved this outfit from my prev trip but it doesnt do well it pix la cos its a black top + dark denim jeans so no go

me and my fierce candids

i like

my now copper hair no go with red bg

tried to cover it up with a beanie

potd bc chiooooooo sunrays #noedit

leaving nami

had some ddakgalbi @ the jetty and then cabbed to petite france!

thr was a clown doing a perf and he was good!!!!!!!

mysterious selfie pops out of nowhere

wasnt rly into pic taking cos i know my outfit no go + ive alrd been thr last trip!!

aft that we headed back to our apartment and we were so so so tired + no seats on the train back somemore bc never book beforehand :-( sobz

back @ our apartment and i love how my brow game leveled up so selfie LOL

and i like how i drew them so straight thr? aft we came back i went to thread so its thinner and diff shape. i less daring now also la cos sg

CANT RMB WHAT I HAD FOR DINNER OMG BRB I GO WATCH MY SNAP COMPLIATION

oh we cooked jjapagguri! cos i wanted to try hehe and tried the spicy ramen which is honestly rly good!!! but spicy in the way that it numbs your senses HAHAH but shiok i wna have more!!!!!

17 may 2015

went to dongdaemun in the morning and then headed over to myeongdong!

was rly happy with my outfit that day HAHAH looks better in person than in pics

tried to rewear this outfit (sg style) in sg but nooooo its just so different sobs

in spao so i just had to

churro!! which were literally drowned in a stream of hot chocolate mmmm

SHIOK

watermelon juice (that i bought each day that went to myeongdong bc HEATY!!) but wa this stall has exceptionally funky deco

was following shaby around trying to find yestyle (we didnt) and saw this HAHAH

went to hyukjae's umma's chocolat but noooooo it was closed bc SUNDAY SIGH WHY I NEVER CHECK:-(

headed to express bus terminal to change size for my 10,000won jeans- shld have tried it on the spot!! wanted to have the triplets mandu again but they were sold out omg what was with us that day HAHAHA

so we headed back and went to kbbq near our apartment as per our host's recommendation!

IT WAS SO GOOD

(sorry pls tilt your head yourself HAHAH)

BEST

KBBQ

IN

MY

LIFE

WHAT IS THIS RUBBISH IM EATING IN SG ITS NOTHING LIKE THAT

plus its so much cheaper?!?!?! aaaaahhhh wished we tried kbbq earlier on in the trip bc so so sooooo GOOD WE COULD HAVE HAD MORE

that night i started burning :-(

like legit. BURN.

i wasn't feeling too well during the day alr like i could feel that my throat was getting bad? and that night i was totally just FREEZING the shower- it was a sign. around half an hour after i came out from the shower i was totally freezing - rushed to blow dry my hair then wrapped myself in my blanket. then it just got more and more extreme and i just took meds and knocked out

i think 45mins to an hour later i woke up to laughter bc it was shinee comeback day on blue night. i couldn't get back to sleep la and i was also now BURNING under the sheets

was feeling damn shitty cos like shit la i still have 3 more days am i going to just stay sick and stay in the apartment?

lotte world tmrw eh am i going to miss it?

eunhae sukira the next day also i was supposed to #yoloswag and go myself!!!!!!

how how how how how how how :-(

and i couldn't go back to sleep

went to wapp hwee bc i am a sensitive prick hais

.........................

eventually i got to sleep after blue night ended and i realised

that was the night i realised that i was rly blessed with the bestest friends.